Story Of My Life

The Whispered of Heart

Tonight, I feel something that obliges my hand to move, follow the sign of my heart. Little by little I start moving my fingers to speak up in a piece of paper in the computer program. It feels exhausted, when I remember all of the things that have happened among the two boys and I. I have never been suspecting about this before, when I try to do forget him. “Afterwards”, there is someone who wants to be closer with me. Then I accept him easily, without regarding my feeling towards him. Can I make my feeling towards him the same as my first man?
It is very deceitful to be pretending to him. But however I deceive and pretend to him, I will not be able to hide it away. One day I will make a confession to him, though it hurts. Thanks God, he is so patience and he are willing to hear all my grudges, all my lies, all my feelings that I have felt to the first man who catch me in his love’s trap.
That first man did caress me, made me fall, even I am like a candle surrounded by flame. “Losing my control”, perhaps it is the appropriate word. Up to now, my memories of him is still warm. It has been ages for me to be trapped in my feeling of guilty, sadness, weeping, regretful or happiness. Does he know about me and what I feel up to know?
Pfiuh…now we have had someone new in our heart. Especially me, my self. Every time I meet him, I feel revolted, hate and furious and I want to slap him in his face. I want to speak up all my grudges. And…yeah, instead I do that to my someone’s new. I have ever hit him because of all my regretful towards my first man. He just smiles and attempts to make me forget him. Unfortunately, months after months he attempts to, but the result is “0”.
God….help me…
Now….his effort has helped me a bit though it does not work until 100%. But it has helped me to feel much better. I will never forget my first love…and it becomes the precious lesson for me. Thanks “papa”..